I hate mknightshymalan and you should too
m. knight. shamylalyan. Let me go over his timeline of films and hopefully convince you that they are horrible, and he is a joke as a writer, and totally run of the mill as a director. You will notice me not capitalizing his name in this rant. This is done on purpose as a show of disrespect. I also refuse to spell, or speak his stupid name correctly.
Sixth Sense.
This movie was excellent. If shmylian made this movie and retired, he would go down in history as one of the greatest film writers in all time. Good actors, excellent plot, and a unexpected and well orchestrated twist at the end. After this movie came out, even I looked forward to the next shymolian movie.
Unbreakable.
This film was, just ok. Sammy L and Bruce Willis are good actors and I loved them. The story was interesting, but the twist was visible from about the middle of the movie. I couldn't put my finger exactly on how or why, but I knew that Sammy L would end up being the bad guy. At this point, however, I knew shamamalian was a one trick pony. He can only write "twist at the end thrillers."
Signs.
Here we go. This is one of my most hated movies of all time, and at this point mknight shmil casting himself in tiny roles in his own movies started to get annoying to me. Let me give you a one sentence summery of this movie. "God saves humans from an alien invasion." That is what this movie is about, and only stupid people can't see it. This rant will contain spoilers, so don't keep reading if you still haven't seen this movie. But I will go point by point on why this movie is bad. For those of you that somehow still refuse to believe that this movie is about faith, and God, listen closely. The main character is a priest who loses his wife, and blames God. He loses his faith in God, and this is beaten into you in this movie over and over again. His wife's last word were "Tell Johnny (or whoever) to swing away, swing away." This means nothing at the point you hear it. It only becomes clear when the TWIST hits you. Secondly, the main character's daughter begins placing full glasses of water all over the house for seemingly no reason. Once again, wait till the TWIST to find out why. Now lets get to the aliens. I would usually say that the biggest mistake in this movie was actually showing the aliens, but this movie made so many big mistakes this one is dwarfed. But yeah, the aliens. Tall, skinny, grey, large heads, large black eyes. I guess this movie is based on a 1960s comic book? Not that I know what aliens looks like, but this is exactly why they should have simply not been shown. Oh yeah, they can figure out interstellar travel, but can't figure out how to use their hand to turn a doorknob. Wait, there is something much more serious the aliens forgot to do than not studying human's strange door mechanisms. The aliens forgot that FUCKING WATER KILLS THEM. Yup, they build a space ship, they fly light years (maybe they took a wrong turn at Saturn?) just to come to the only planet with water, and ALOT of water. I guess figuring out if this planet was safe to walk on without any kind of protection was not in the budget, intergalactic conquest campaigns are very costly after all. I am happy I have nothing to worry about though, because a thunderstorm will be our secret weapon against the aliens. I guess shimlinyon was so busy trying to write his philosophical twist in, he forgot to write some intelligence into the intelligent extraterrestrial life. Then the movie comes to a close, and main character and "Johnny" find themselves in a room with an alien. Johnny has a baseball bat in his hands, and glasses of water have been places all over the house. Main character remember that if he only told Johnny to swing away, than the water would kill this alien (or maybe they didn't know the water kills the aliens at this point, and find out after the glasses break? Whatever same shit). He tells him to swing away, glass breaks, water splashes, alien dies. Then the main character gets his faith in God back, because, see God had to kill his wife, in order to set the events in motion to stop the coming alien invasion. Even though a sun shower would have done the same thing, and even left a victorious rainbow in it's wake. This creates a lot of question about God though. Did God make the aliens? Do the aliens have their own God? Do aliens go to hell? Did God know about these aliens when they were still "out there?" Until the Bible has an alien chapter written in, I think messing with aliens and God in the same movie is a bad idea. But anything for a good twist right shamy?
The Village.
At this point I know shimilin was a joke. I knew for a fact this movie was going to end on a twist. And I knew for a fact shamalan was going to be in an insignificant role. shimialan, being the grand-master of twist, should know that if you expect a twist, the twist won't be as good. Only a total retard would be surprised that everything in this movie is not as it seems. This movie is a real gem though. People who are sick of the violence of society, create a colony in the middle of the woods, secluded from the modern world. They don't want their children to go through the pain of growing up in that world. How do they keep all the people in this village? They dress up like monsters and KILL people who venture too far. Yeah that's what I do to protect my kids from violence. Then one guy gets damaged by the monster and needs medicine. The mystery unravels and someone goes out to the real world to get some modern medicine and blah blah blah I don't even remember how it ended. All I know is, it was long, the story is unfeasible and totally contrived. Instead of being called "The Village" it should be called "Contrived Excuse for a Lame Twist Ending." I guess the producers didn't think that would market well though.
Now he makes "Lady in the Water." I haven't seen it, but you want my prediction? Well of course the movie will end with a twist. The "Lady in the Water" is not what she seems (if she is bad, she is really good, or if she is good, she is really bad.) shymolon will play a stupid little role out of vanity. The movie will seem a lot longer than it is, and it will be bad.
He could have been "the writer of Sixth Sense" but instead he is going to invent his own genre "B Twist Movies." Dumbass.
Sixth Sense.
This movie was excellent. If shmylian made this movie and retired, he would go down in history as one of the greatest film writers in all time. Good actors, excellent plot, and a unexpected and well orchestrated twist at the end. After this movie came out, even I looked forward to the next shymolian movie.
Unbreakable.
This film was, just ok. Sammy L and Bruce Willis are good actors and I loved them. The story was interesting, but the twist was visible from about the middle of the movie. I couldn't put my finger exactly on how or why, but I knew that Sammy L would end up being the bad guy. At this point, however, I knew shamamalian was a one trick pony. He can only write "twist at the end thrillers."
Signs.
Here we go. This is one of my most hated movies of all time, and at this point mknight shmil casting himself in tiny roles in his own movies started to get annoying to me. Let me give you a one sentence summery of this movie. "God saves humans from an alien invasion." That is what this movie is about, and only stupid people can't see it. This rant will contain spoilers, so don't keep reading if you still haven't seen this movie. But I will go point by point on why this movie is bad. For those of you that somehow still refuse to believe that this movie is about faith, and God, listen closely. The main character is a priest who loses his wife, and blames God. He loses his faith in God, and this is beaten into you in this movie over and over again. His wife's last word were "Tell Johnny (or whoever) to swing away, swing away." This means nothing at the point you hear it. It only becomes clear when the TWIST hits you. Secondly, the main character's daughter begins placing full glasses of water all over the house for seemingly no reason. Once again, wait till the TWIST to find out why. Now lets get to the aliens. I would usually say that the biggest mistake in this movie was actually showing the aliens, but this movie made so many big mistakes this one is dwarfed. But yeah, the aliens. Tall, skinny, grey, large heads, large black eyes. I guess this movie is based on a 1960s comic book? Not that I know what aliens looks like, but this is exactly why they should have simply not been shown. Oh yeah, they can figure out interstellar travel, but can't figure out how to use their hand to turn a doorknob. Wait, there is something much more serious the aliens forgot to do than not studying human's strange door mechanisms. The aliens forgot that FUCKING WATER KILLS THEM. Yup, they build a space ship, they fly light years (maybe they took a wrong turn at Saturn?) just to come to the only planet with water, and ALOT of water. I guess figuring out if this planet was safe to walk on without any kind of protection was not in the budget, intergalactic conquest campaigns are very costly after all. I am happy I have nothing to worry about though, because a thunderstorm will be our secret weapon against the aliens. I guess shimlinyon was so busy trying to write his philosophical twist in, he forgot to write some intelligence into the intelligent extraterrestrial life. Then the movie comes to a close, and main character and "Johnny" find themselves in a room with an alien. Johnny has a baseball bat in his hands, and glasses of water have been places all over the house. Main character remember that if he only told Johnny to swing away, than the water would kill this alien (or maybe they didn't know the water kills the aliens at this point, and find out after the glasses break? Whatever same shit). He tells him to swing away, glass breaks, water splashes, alien dies. Then the main character gets his faith in God back, because, see God had to kill his wife, in order to set the events in motion to stop the coming alien invasion. Even though a sun shower would have done the same thing, and even left a victorious rainbow in it's wake. This creates a lot of question about God though. Did God make the aliens? Do the aliens have their own God? Do aliens go to hell? Did God know about these aliens when they were still "out there?" Until the Bible has an alien chapter written in, I think messing with aliens and God in the same movie is a bad idea. But anything for a good twist right shamy?
The Village.
At this point I know shimilin was a joke. I knew for a fact this movie was going to end on a twist. And I knew for a fact shamalan was going to be in an insignificant role. shimialan, being the grand-master of twist, should know that if you expect a twist, the twist won't be as good. Only a total retard would be surprised that everything in this movie is not as it seems. This movie is a real gem though. People who are sick of the violence of society, create a colony in the middle of the woods, secluded from the modern world. They don't want their children to go through the pain of growing up in that world. How do they keep all the people in this village? They dress up like monsters and KILL people who venture too far. Yeah that's what I do to protect my kids from violence. Then one guy gets damaged by the monster and needs medicine. The mystery unravels and someone goes out to the real world to get some modern medicine and blah blah blah I don't even remember how it ended. All I know is, it was long, the story is unfeasible and totally contrived. Instead of being called "The Village" it should be called "Contrived Excuse for a Lame Twist Ending." I guess the producers didn't think that would market well though.
Now he makes "Lady in the Water." I haven't seen it, but you want my prediction? Well of course the movie will end with a twist. The "Lady in the Water" is not what she seems (if she is bad, she is really good, or if she is good, she is really bad.) shymolon will play a stupid little role out of vanity. The movie will seem a lot longer than it is, and it will be bad.
He could have been "the writer of Sixth Sense" but instead he is going to invent his own genre "B Twist Movies." Dumbass.
posted by VirtualAlex at 9:45 AM
1 Comments:
I want to go see Lady in the Water with you and Lisa, so we can all laugh together.
I can't believe it's not a torrent yet.
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