90% of people are morons, as it relates to my job.
I am not sure if I am being arrogant or not. To me all of this is completely common knowledge and only a FUCKING MORON would not understand the concepts I am going to go over inside and out. Granted I work in an Italian Pizzeria, I fully understood all of these concepts at the age of 8 when I was eating Swanson's TV dinners. But I guess I had a privileged upbringing and some other people need some help identifying the more exotic "cuisines" available in the world. So here is a crash course for all you low-lifes.
Lets start from least annoying to most annoying.
There are two main sauces in the pasta world (I don't claim to be some kinda of world-traveling food critic or anything, but discounting infused olive oil based sauces, I think there are two) to laymen they are: the red sauce and the white sauce. Now for me, it's hard to believe people can't name both. But I guess they need some help from me. The red sauce is Marinara sauce (or sometimes bolognese) and the white sauce is Alfredo sauce.
So here is a shocker. Red sauce is not called Spaghetti sauce also Spaghetti is not an umbrella term for all pasta. Every single pasta is called something different. I don't expect you to know them all. However I do expect you to know that Spaghetti is long round strings. That is the ONLY ONE that is called Spaghetti. So if you point to the Penne, and say "I want that spaghetti with the spinach in it" then I am judging you, and looking down on you.
Fettucini and Alfredo are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS. Just because they happen to go together often (i.e. Fettucini Alfredo) the names are not interchangeable. When you say something like "I want the alfredo pasta." I can let that slide. Referring to the white sauce when differentiating between the red and the white pasta is fine. It's like saying "That black guy." when pointing someone out in a crowd with only one black guy. It might not be totally acceptable but it gets the point across AS LONG AS YOU ARE REFERRING TO THE COLOR OF THE SAUCE. If I have fettucini noodles with red sauce and you refer to them as the "Alfredo noodles" because you think long flat noodles are fettucini... Well you are a moron (it happens often). Here is what drives me FUCKING MAD. When I hear this, I grit my teeth so hard I am afraid people will hear. "I'll take the spaghetti noodles, with some fettucini sauce on them." FUCK just typing that out nearly gave me a heart attack. You stupid fucks. There is no such thing as fettucini sauce, unless maybe I threw some fettucini noodles in a blender and made a fettucini sauce and dumped it on your fucking stupid tiny head.
The word Calzone is pronounces CAL-ZONE. Yeah, fucking exactly how it is written. No need to get fancy and try to sound worldly by calling a Calzoney. Also it's not a CLAzone. Just fucking read the word. Think O-Zone layer, except Cal-Zone layer. And while I am on it, it's Chip-o-tle not Chip-ol-te.
When you don't know what something is called the most insulting thing to do is to say it right or wrong and then nonchalantly say "or whatever it's called." If you want to know what it's called then ask. Otherwise grow some fucking balls, say it your way with confidence until someone fixes it for you.
Also, before you ask a question like "What is the difference between sweet sausage and spicy sausage." THINK!
Lets start from least annoying to most annoying.
There are two main sauces in the pasta world (I don't claim to be some kinda of world-traveling food critic or anything, but discounting infused olive oil based sauces, I think there are two) to laymen they are: the red sauce and the white sauce. Now for me, it's hard to believe people can't name both. But I guess they need some help from me. The red sauce is Marinara sauce (or sometimes bolognese) and the white sauce is Alfredo sauce.
So here is a shocker. Red sauce is not called Spaghetti sauce also Spaghetti is not an umbrella term for all pasta. Every single pasta is called something different. I don't expect you to know them all. However I do expect you to know that Spaghetti is long round strings. That is the ONLY ONE that is called Spaghetti. So if you point to the Penne, and say "I want that spaghetti with the spinach in it" then I am judging you, and looking down on you.
Fettucini and Alfredo are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS. Just because they happen to go together often (i.e. Fettucini Alfredo) the names are not interchangeable. When you say something like "I want the alfredo pasta." I can let that slide. Referring to the white sauce when differentiating between the red and the white pasta is fine. It's like saying "That black guy." when pointing someone out in a crowd with only one black guy. It might not be totally acceptable but it gets the point across AS LONG AS YOU ARE REFERRING TO THE COLOR OF THE SAUCE. If I have fettucini noodles with red sauce and you refer to them as the "Alfredo noodles" because you think long flat noodles are fettucini... Well you are a moron (it happens often). Here is what drives me FUCKING MAD. When I hear this, I grit my teeth so hard I am afraid people will hear. "I'll take the spaghetti noodles, with some fettucini sauce on them." FUCK just typing that out nearly gave me a heart attack. You stupid fucks. There is no such thing as fettucini sauce, unless maybe I threw some fettucini noodles in a blender and made a fettucini sauce and dumped it on your fucking stupid tiny head.
The word Calzone is pronounces CAL-ZONE. Yeah, fucking exactly how it is written. No need to get fancy and try to sound worldly by calling a Calzoney. Also it's not a CLAzone. Just fucking read the word. Think O-Zone layer, except Cal-Zone layer. And while I am on it, it's Chip-o-tle not Chip-ol-te.
When you don't know what something is called the most insulting thing to do is to say it right or wrong and then nonchalantly say "or whatever it's called." If you want to know what it's called then ask. Otherwise grow some fucking balls, say it your way with confidence until someone fixes it for you.
Also, before you ask a question like "What is the difference between sweet sausage and spicy sausage." THINK!
posted by VirtualAlex at 4:01 PM
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